Thursday, June 9, 2011

FREE on Craigslist!

If you have a large yard with multiple empty large sheds (and/or hangars), you may want to start thinking about stocking up stuff for the inevitable dystopia that lies in the future (zombie apocalypse, nuclear holocaust, a meteor, etc.)

Lucky for you, the free section on your local Craigslist has just the supplies you'll need.

First thing you should stock up on is mattresses. Anyone who has seen a futuristic disaster movie KNOWS that there is almost never a comfortable place to sleep. Sure, a "well-used" mattress may not be appealing NOW, but just wait until YOUR mattress is infested with deadly viruses.

You should also get a free spa. Of course, not to use as a spa (duh, there's no electricity), but to use as a foxhole/defensible position for your fortress. You'll be grateful (that word never looks right to me) for a surface on which to mount your rock launcher (which you cleverly made out of your free NordicTrac, recliner springs, and used landscaping rock).

A men's wetsuit may also come in handy, particularly if the major disaster involves massive flooding.

This shed may only have "some life left", but that'll be more life than your nuked house has left!

Finally (and no one ever thinks of this), you'll want something to keep each member of your survival party's stuff safe and secure. Sure, everyone can sleep with their stuff, tightly grasping it until they fall asleep and the Resident Post-Apocalyptic Asshole steals it, causing the group's unity to disintegrate first thing in the morning. In the worst case, this can lead to the Resident Post-Apocalyptic Honest-But-Hotheaded-Second-In-Command to point a gun at someone, and no one wants that. Nip this problem in the bud with a set of metal lockers.
Obviously, you'll need a lot more than just the above listed stuff. You might have to check the free sections of Craigslist towns nearby. You're welcome.


Ben said...

I love how the guy in the locker ad felt the need to point out that they were "on the ground."

Joe said...

Just in case you thought he was trying to trick you into picking up a raised metal floor.